Obama Tightens Noose on Putin

Obama Tightens Noose on Putin

WASHINGTON - Today the President announced a new round of sanctions on Russian President Vladimir Putin and several of his top aids. 

To stand behind his words "there will be a price to pay" if Putin acts in Ukraine, Obama is meeting with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.  The two are expected to discuss officially "unfriending" Putin, and potentially staring a cyber-bullying campaign against the powerful former head of the KGB. An effort to turn some of Putin's inner circle against him. 

Obama is believed to have been behind the March 9 leak of Putin's Hulu watch history, most notably poking fun at two weekends when Vladimir allegedly "binge watched" two full seasons of ABC's "Glee" and the CW's "Vampire Diaries". 

Putin could not be reached for comment about the Hulu account, but in remarks last week at the Hague he referred to "a blatant abuse of power" by "the highest ranking US officials" and was caught on a live mic muttering that it "just wasn't fair to dig into such things" and "that some things are private and not political". Reporters at the scene said Putin was visibly shaken by the incident. 

Privacy advocates have said publicly that it was especially unfair to target the history of the Hulu account after so recently blocking Putin's Netflix access in an earlier round of sanctions. "My gosh, what's the poor man to watch?"

Thus far the US has blocked the aforementioned Netflix account, blacked out all travel dates for Putin's Southwest Airlines Gold Rewards miles, and pre booked every room in Orlando to head off the Russian leader's Christmas junket to Disney World. 

To the latter, Putin has remarked "I have seen 'happiest place on earth' (making air quotes with his fingers) many times, but this year we had scheduled an airboat ride and a visit to a real alligator farm." Russian PM Andre Medvedev stated "we don't even know if we can get our deposits back."

It's not clear what the fall out will be from what history may dub "the sanctions war", but it is clear that the US is holding as firm as any 15 year old girl on it's extensive use of Internet based brawling.